i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
