Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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