hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
