1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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