Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
