Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
