My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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