We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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