Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
