Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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