if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
