The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
