We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
