Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
