puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
