hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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