your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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