forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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