Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
