Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
