how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
