Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
