The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize