so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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