let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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