YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
