Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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