i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
