That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.