Non-Jews are for practice
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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