Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

   I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set

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  (310): I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set http://tfl.nu/e5hl
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me

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  (410): cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me http://tfl.nu/jebo
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

  (516): View more from New York

  one can only hope.

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  (732): I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves? (516): one can only hope. http://tfl.nu/2jko
  Replies (33) Good night (5298) Bad night (569)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.

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  (817): Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes. http://tfl.nu/1ozx
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Its part of my fall instant classic line.

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  (515): I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot. (407): Its part of my fall instant classic line. http://tfl.nu/v43i
  Replies (13) Good night (3396) Bad night (563)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"

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  (514): i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon" http://tfl.nu/hj7f
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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  (856): you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb http://tfl.nu/benk
  Replies (34) Good night (4063) Bad night (971)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.

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  (404): If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs. http://tfl.nu/yiw2
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

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  (618): Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all http://tfl.nu/t0uz
  Replies (11) Good night (3047) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside

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  (209): I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside http://tfl.nu/5a48
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

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  (703): I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK? http://tfl.nu/mw9u
  Replies (16) Good night (402) Bad night (1979) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?

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  (816): There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/cxgm
  Replies (2) Good night (651) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life

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  (937): Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life http://tfl.nu/0ubb
  Replies (1) Good night (360) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.

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  (+44): I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten. http://tfl.nu/hxkk
  Replies (1) Good night (1087) Bad night (281)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.

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  (407): I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/ewha
  Replies (3) Good night (526) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt

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