He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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