i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.