Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

(917): View more from New York City

this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

(917): View more from New York City

he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

(718): View more from New York

messed up. what color are the wings?

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(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks (917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed (917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF? (718): messed up. what color are the wings? http://tfl.nu/7ui0

Replies (11) Good night (2365) Bad night (716)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot

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(603): So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot http://tfl.nu/44v5

Replies (22) Good night (4512) Bad night (695)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

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(860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh

Replies (85) Good night (10942) Bad night (2682)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.

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(781): I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece. http://tfl.nu/l6if

Replies (10) Good night (901) Bad night (6368)
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(954): View more from Florida

im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls

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(954): im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls http://tfl.nu/n5en

Replies (13) Good night (7095) Bad night (1202)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job

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(860): I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job http://tfl.nu/ok5l

Replies (26) Good night (1247) Bad night (5370)
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(925): View more from California

she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"

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(925): she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob" http://tfl.nu/t96e

Replies (15) Good night (4676) Bad night (1085)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.

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(519): I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds. http://tfl.nu/ynhk

Replies (3) Good night (1744) Bad night (889)
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(646): View more from New York

Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.

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(646): Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/s0ys

Replies (5) Good night (3482) Bad night (819)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.

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(816): I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before. http://tfl.nu/94fr

Replies (6) Good night (1577) Bad night (581)
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(806): View more from Texas

It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.

(1-806): View more from Texas

It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.

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(806): It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation. (1-806): It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that. http://tfl.nu/9jn5

Replies (13) Good night (2115) Bad night (944)
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(408): View more from California

I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.

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(408): I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident. http://tfl.nu/gd86

Replies (6) Good night (2207) Bad night (746)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.

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(318): Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass. http://tfl.nu/dq3p

Replies (8) Good night (1387) Bad night (599)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?

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(203): I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex? http://tfl.nu/agnf

Replies (4) Good night (988) Bad night (577)
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(360): View more from Washington

The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...

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(360): The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though... http://tfl.nu/d05h

Replies (0) Good night (535) Bad night (160)

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