he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
