im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
