hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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