just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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