i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
