She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize