As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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