I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
