You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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