The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
