Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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