god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think my moral compass just broke
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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