none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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