The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
