sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
