god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
