How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
