why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
