Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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