fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
