two words: eviction party
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
