Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
