you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
