He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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