Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
