we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
