we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
