Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
