Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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