oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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