I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
