You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize