she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
